Saturday, July 23, 2016

Review: Tarzan XXX (MEN.com)

NSFW! THIS IS A REVIEW OF PORN, SO IT'S EVEN MORE "NOT SAFE FOR WORK" THAN MY USUAL STUFF!

And here we are with the final superhero porn parody series. I've saved the best for last. Well, maybe not the best, but the series I like the most.

As a geek, it's the X-Men who are my favorites, but Tarzan is my favorite character from an erotic fantasy perspective. I've never really been interested in any of the X-Men from a sex or erotic angle, but that's all I've ever felt about Tarzan. In fact, as a kid, Sunday morning TV airings of the old Gordon Scott and Mike Henry movies were my first "porn", along with pro wrestling. It's really the earliest clue for me that I was gay.

Tarzan is the easiest to adapt for porn purposes, so naturally this works the best from a story standpoint. It's such a simple concept - hot naked jungle guy encounters hot city guys. No powers. No plots. Just hot guys in a sweltering jungle, so it's easy to jump to sex. It would be easy to be lazy, but I give MEN.com credit. They actually do a great job with the details here.

Okay, I'm convinced this guy is Tarzan
The opening sequence is awesome. Tarzan races through the jungle and it's perfect. The actor moves really well. Confident. Smooth. Athletic. It's a natural parkour course and he handles it well. When he leaps into the water or bounces around, Tarzan looks like a guy who grew up in the wild.

The jungle and beach locations are terrific. They're real for one thing. And the jungle is lush, beautiful, but also so dense that it's scary and claustrophobic. It's like Lost. It heightens the tension a lot, adding an interesting element to the videos.

The casting is actually great. Tarzan is ripped, but also hairy and scruffy, which is different than usual. Mike Henry is the only hairy Tarzan I can think of, but he was more muscular and played a jungle James Bond. Now the ape-man does live in the jungle, so a more natural look works for me.

Maybe this guy doesn't look like an English aristocrat, but he's hot and he gets into the part. The way he moves, looks and communicates are all damn good, especially for porn.

#1: We meet Tarzan. He races through the jungle, finding three studs washed up on the beach. He rescues them then watches from the jungle. When they wake, they've got no idea how they got there, but of course they each assume one of the others dragged them to safety. One guy (Tobias) goes off, leaving the other two to fuck while he scopes out the jungle.

The plot parts are great in this, but obviously it's kind of just a teaser. It does look and sound great, but I'm really only interested in Tarzan. In addition to the upfront, Tarzan and Tobias do meet, although it's an intense cutaway that leaves a cliffhanger ending.

Tarzan to the rescue

Of course there's some of this

These guys switch things up, but they're not Tarzan

Meanwhile, the jungle man is on the prowl ...

#2: Now we're getting into it. This video is about Tarzan and Tobias. We learn that this Tarzan is more on the savage side. He has rudimentary language skills, but he's horny for Tobias. When he licks the city stud's face, Tobias realizes that he needs to teach Tarzan a thing or two. They kiss, suck and fuck. At the end, we see the two friends from part 1 heading off with torches to find their friend.

It's fun, hot and all very much the jungle savage fantasy come true.

Tarzan: "Tarzan."

Tobias takes a licking

Tobias shows Tarzan how it's done

Some things just come naturally

#3: You know exactly where this is leading. The guys meet up again and there's a four-way with Tarzan being the main attraction followed by Tarzan and Tobias topping the friends from Part 1. The actor playing Tarzan does a great job of acting like an ape-man, squatting and grunting. He also has the most adorable doe eyes. The ending is wonderful.

Surprise, the guys meet up

Tarzan is the object of their affection

Of course there's a lot of this in various positions

Tarzan's mighty yell

Overall, I really enjoyed this series a ton. The plot-advancing segments of Part 1 and 3, plus all of Part 2 are all awesome. I love that this was all done in a real jungle with a waterfall, pond, vines and the rest. Tarzan fans should be pleased.

I'm really happy MEN.com did these adaptations. I was more interested in some more than others, but as a collection, it's cool to see the movies transformed. The production quality is high, even if the stories are not necessarily as tight as my geek side requires.

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So that's my take. What's yours?

Alex

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