AMU 100: The Cave Battle Royale

"I should be over there. Fuck, just look at them. The baddest of the bad. That's me."

I look to my right at Bird Boy, "Even if you were still a villain, which you're not, you still wouldn't be over there with them. Those guys are the best villains we have. You were never like them."

My new sidekick looks at me with anger and his muscles tense. He still has delusions of grandeur where his former identity of Spartan is concerned. The 20-year old is 5'11"/205-lbs and an impossibly ripped musclestud. He acts like he was a mighty heel in the wrestling ring, but in reality, he was a heel-jobber who only ever won one match outside the locker room. Otherwise it was nothing but defeat and humiliation.

My sidekick, Bird Boy

Route 69 S308: Zanesville OH (Ben)

I love this feeling.

The feeling of meeting a new wrestling opponent. The anticipation. The mystery. The butterflies. Pulling on gear. No matter how many times I do this, I still feel the same anxious excitement. I just turned 26 three days ago, so it's not like I have decades of experience, but my wrestling card has been pretty full for a few years. And yet, I still love every minute of it like it was my first time.

I'm adjusting my tight, low-cut white singlet over my 6'/200-lbs of muscles. It's so thin and sheer that I'm amazed it can hold my cock, which will be in a persistent state of semi-hardness until the stakes portion of my match where, win or lose, it can finally be unleashed.

I stare at myself in the hotel bathroom mirror, making sure everything's in place. I have to say, and I hope this doesn't sound immodest, but I love the way the white fabric pops against my olive skin and dark features. Yes, things are good.

Route 69 S306: Xenia OH

Route 69: Xenia OH

"Jeff, here's your card. Ben, here's yours. Welcome to the Xenia X-Gym, guys."

Jeff and I snatch our cards. We thank the clerk, even though it took forever for a pretty simple deal. It's now almost closing time, so I ask, "So, can we still get a workout in tonight or are you closing up?"

The clerk must sense my frustration, because he says, "Yeah, sorry again that it took me so long, but I've never done a temporary membership before. Well, I never sold any membership before and no one else is here."

Route 69 S305: Washington DC

Route 69: Washington DC

"So, how're you doing, buddy? Uh, Ben? Ben? You okay?"

I'm staring out from the locker room into the gym area, lost in thought. I vaguely hear a familiar voice ask if I'm okay again and I'm shaken out of my thoughts.

I turn to see Terrence, my friend and co-worker in the Championship League of American Wrestling. I immediately smile, happy to see him. Terrence is a pro wrestler in the federation, while I handle marketing, as well as help with operations when I'm in town. After a rocky start, Terrence and I have become good friends.

Route 69 S303: Utica NY

Route 69: Utica NY

"Aw, Hart, are you kiddin’ me?"

"What's wrong, Jeff?"

"Dude, when you said you wanted to grab a drink, I didn't know you were hostin’ a show at this place. I thought we were just drinkin’. I even got a motel room next door so I can get good and ripped."

Route 69 S302: Toledo OH

Route 69: Toledo OH

Dylan says, "Meet you in the showers, babe?"

I nod, "Yeah, just let me get my stuff together."

My boyfriend Dylan and I kiss passionately, pressing our sweaty, bare torsos together. Dylan's shirtless in exercise shorts, while I'm in tight pro wrestling trunks and boots. We're taking advantage of the near-empty facility, working out separately. Dylan was using the treadmill and I was rolling around the pro wrestling ring, jumping rope, doing push-ups and sit-ups.

Mmm, our bodies feel so good together it's all I can do not to take him right here and now. We reluctantly break, lingering in a long stare. Finally, he leaves and I think about how lucky I am. If not for Dylan, I don't know how I would've handled the last three months since my best friend Jeff decided to not only abandon his dream to be a pro wrestler, but also quit on our journey to find where we fit.

Route 69 S301: Springfield IL

"Nervous?"

"No, bring it on! First time for everything, right?" My boyfriend Dylan laughs nervously as he says it.

I smile back, "I can't believe you've never done it. I mean, how is that even possible?"

Dylan shrugs, "I don't know. I thought about it, for sure. I've watched enough of it. I've fantasized about it. But, it just never happened for me. I have to say that I'm glad my first time is with you, Ben."

I reassure him, "Don't worry, it'll be fun. If you want to stop at any point, we'll stop. You'll be sore afterward, but it's worth it."

Route 69 S209: Rochester NY

"Hey, Brad, good to meet you."

"Ben! Good to meet you, finally. Get the fuck in here. Brrrr." Brad shivers then slams the door behind me.

I smile as I say, "You're cold? I'm shocked that loincloth doesn't keep you warm. Tarzan obviously never needed to be in Rochester in November."

Brad asks with a smirk, "You complaining? I can put on more clothes."

Route 69 S206: Odessa TX

"Hey, Brooks!"

"Howdy, Ben! Thanks for coming early."

Brooks invites me into his room then proceeds to strip down. He's laid out a dozen shiny pairs of briefs and wants to get my opinion on what he should wear. Of course, he'll wear them all over the course of the weekend, but he's wondering about what to wear when we wrestle. I point to the pair I like and he slips them on.

I ask, "So how was the drive?"

Brooks gets dramatic, shaking his head, "Man. Rain falling like a cow pissing on a flat rock. Wind that'd blow the warts off a toad. Hail the size of hell and half of Texas. Tornadoes coming at me from every side. I even went off the road once right into a mess a black bears. Had to fight 'em off with my bare hands. But I did it. And all just to wrestle you, buddy."

Route 69 S204: Monterrey CA

"Wow."

"Dude, no kidding. Awesome."

My best friend Jeff and I are standing in awe. We’re on a small, secluded piece of soft sand in Northern Calfornia. It’s too small to be considered a beach. Massive rock walls and the Pacific Ocean surround us, the small trail we followed down here obscured. I'm loving the sound of the waves of the blue water crashing into the rocky outcroppings as we take in this private paradise. To a couple of New Yorkers like us, it's like a different world.

It's not my first time on the west coast, but it's always a great change being here. Jeff and I are definitely making the most of our California vacation. After visiting friends of mine in LA, we've come up the coast highway, stopping in Monterrey to see two more friends. The scenery just gets better the further north we come, especially from my vintage red 1958 Corvette convertible in the warm September air.

We're going to spend our last few vacation days in San Fran before we have to head back east for Jeff's next show. He's a pro wrestler for the Ring of Wrestling, a big indie fed that's just one step below the big boys. It's a big deal for him, so we can't blow it off.

Route 69 S203: Los Angeles CA

"Hi, I'm Ben, this is Jeff. Is Cody around?"

"Hey, I'm Jae. Cody's running late, but c'mon in."

I look around the first floor gym, commenting on the nice setup. Cody's a personal trainer at a local gym, but he's opened this work-live space to handle private clients. He lives upstairs and trains folks down here. The equipment is new and really modern. I'm so used to cheap, grungy gyms that I forgot places like this exist. I guess if you're going to succeed in LA, you need some flash.

Route 69 S201: Joliet IL

"Strip down, get in gear and we can talk while we wrestle."

I'm taken aback, "Sir?" 

"Don't call me 'sir'. Makes me feel old, kid. I'm only 35."

"Sorry, Mr. Quinn."

"Mason."

Route 69 S108: Harrisburg PA

Route 69: Harrisburg PA

"What the -?" I blurt out softly.

My name's Ben and I'm surprised at sight of the pile of tangled bodies I see as I open the connecting door and look into my best friend's dark motel room. Last night, Jeff, an aspiring pro wrestler, got a huge break. He and I did a tag match for the Ring of Wrestling, a pretty big federation. Afterwards, we went out with some of the guys, but I left Jeff in their hands and turned in early, knowing I've got a commitment this morning.

I must have really crashed, because here in the next room, things clearly got wild. After all, there are three male wrestlers, including Jeff, and five women crowded into the two double beds, which are pushed together. All of them are passed out naked, clothes lying haphazardly around the room. There are liquor and beer bottles strewn around the room. The smell of sex, booze and cigarettes almost overwhelms me.

Route 69 S105: El Paso TX

Fuck, Texas is a big ass state. I'm not a moron. I knew this, but somehow it didn't really hit me until now. I've been on the road for seven hours in blistering heat and I'm still not across this fucking state.

When my buddy Jeff and I decided to head to Dallas for a month, because of his job as a pro wrestler, I figured I'd drop by on a few friends. "You're in Texas, I'll be in Texas! I want to see the place." Big mistake. They've set up an alternative energy farm out here, east of El Paso. They're idealistic science geeks, but they've got backing and their work looks promising. I know what you're thinking. Actually, that's a lie, I have no idea what you're thinking. I know what I'm thinking. Rural west Texas and alternative energy. What? They don't seem to go together, but whatever.

Either way, I didn't realize that I'd be in for this kind of drive or that it would be unseasonably warm, even for Texas. They have a pool, horses, bikes and all sorts of amenities, so at least I can look forward to a relaxing vacation. I brought my iPad loaded with books to spend the days just lounging while they work on their experiments.

I left the main highway long ago, moving onto smaller and smaller roads. For the last fifteen minutes, I've been running along a dirt road in my vintage 1958 Corvette convertible, which was not designed for off-road. My phone lost GPS signal five minutes ago and I think I'm hopelessly lost. Just as I decide to turn around and backtrack, I hit something in the road. I pull over and see that I have a flat. Motherfucker.

Route 69 S104: Dallas TX

"You trying out?"

I'm getting in my morning workout, doing my own thing, when I suddenly feel the presence of two muscular pro wrestlers flanking me.

Route 69 S103: Charlotte NC (Part 2)

Back to Now

I tell Mike, “Get out.”

Route 69 S103: Charlotte NC (Part 1)

Route 69: Charlotte NC

KNOCK! KNOCK! I race across my ground floor hotel suite, excitedly looking through the peephole. Through the tiny portal, I see a handsome bearded muscleman waiting, looking Greek god-like framed by the window opposite my door.

Route 69 S102: Baltimore MD (Part 1)

 “So, I guess now we’re allowing boyfriends to hang out in the ring. So much for old school.”

Route 69 S101: Arlington VA (Part 2)

Getting Ready to Rumble

"So, what do you think?"

Wow. 

The Cave 9: Three's Company

Ever wake up and be unsure if you're dreaming or not? That's kind of how I feel right now. My name's Cody and I'm currently struggling to see the time through sleepy eyes. Thirty feet away, the huge digital clock on the wall over the door shines 12:14AM in red. Despite being less than half awake, I’m pretty happy for a guy sleeping naked in a wrestling ring.