The Cave 27: Cody vs. Beau/Buck (The Road to El Paso 6)

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The Cave: The Road to El Paso 4 (Beau vs. Toby/Zeke)

CABIN #3. FUTURE FARMS. JUST EAST OF EL PASO TX.

Me!

“Beau! My prodigal brother returns. And a day early. You should’ve called ahead. I would’ve put the mats away, so you wouldn’t be reminded of how Keith kicked your ass all those times.” 

“Fuck you, Toby. I’m here to grab my shit and go.” Beau pushes past me. “Keep your mouth shut and stay outta my way and it’ll all be good.” 

The Cave: The Road to El Paso 2 (Beau vs The Mountain)

PREVIOUSLY IN THE CAVE ...

• How Beau's story started ... Route 69 S105: El Paso TX (Beau meets Ben)
• 10 weeks ago ... The Cave Unleashed 7: Beau vs. Toby (Beau takes on his brother)
• 4-8 weeks ago ... The Cave Unleashed 8: Beau vs. Keith (Beau takes on his boss 3 times)
• 4 weeks ago ... The Cave Unleashed 10: Beau vs. 'Lethal' Lee Evans (Beau's drive to LA)
• 3 weeks ago ... The Cave Unleashed 11: Beau vs. Buck (Beau makes a new friend in LA)

BEAU VS. THE MOUNTAIN

The Cave Unleashed 13: Beau vs. Buck vs. Foster Longhorn

Backstage: After the Foster Longhorn Concert

“That was incredible. ‘Preciate the invite, Buck.”

“You’re welcome, Beau. Nice to hang with another country music fan. Haven’t met any in LA, yet. And, selfishly, you kept me from feeling like a third wheel with Brody and Ram.”

The Cave Unleashed 12: Beau vs. Ricky

Cody’s Gym.

“All right, before we go for the day, I just have to say it again, Beau. You’re a beast. Saved us an hour today. We could’ve scheduled the inspection for tomorrow afternoon at this pace.”

Beau. A beast.

The Cave Unleashed 11: Beau vs. Buck

Cody’s Place. 6:30am.

“Sorry for doing this so early, Buck. Jae and I both have 7:00 clients at the gym.”

“It’s okay, Cody. I’m a farmer. I’m always up at the crack of dawn and I’m still not really on LA time. Why did you - oh.”

The Cave 25: Cody vs. Beau

Ryan’s House. The Kitchen.

“When did I stop being a good guy, Cody?”

The Cave Unleashed 10: Beau vs. 'Lethal' Lee Evans

Dusty Inn. A Bar and Motel West of Tucson AZ.

“Stop. Lee should’ve told you to go around back. And no drinks before the show. I'm not getting sued if you’re clumsy.”

Wrestlers in the back, big guy.

The Cave Unleashed 8: Beau vs. Keith

This is a sequel to The Cave Unleashed 7: Beau vs. Toby

Keith’s Cabin, El Paso TX.

“So, the boy’s finally wantin’ to prove he’s a man.”

Beau growls, “I’m always a man. Always was. Always will be. I just wanna kick your lying, cheating ass.”

The Cave Unleashed 7: Beau vs. Toby

Our Cabin

“What's this, bro? WWL is starting in like two minutes.”

“Don't care. I'm watching the Rebels.”

“C’mon, Tobe. Wrestling vs. basketball? You don't even like basketball.” I ignore my younger brother’s comment, just staring at the TV. He says, “Seriously, Toby? I told you I had a brutal day. Keith was riding my ass all fucking day. I was so close to snapping. I need to chill or tomorrow your baby bro’s gonna get fired for beating the shit outta his boss.”

Me. Toby. Beau's older,
but smaller brother.

The Cave Unleashed 2: Beau vs. Blake

This story is based on a reader commission

Big Bam's Gym, Harrisburg, PA

"What the fuck? Don't touch my fuckin’ shit! Put it down!"

I'm across the gym when I see Blake, a 33-year old thickly muscled bear-ish badass, quickly move from his bench he's usin' to the one where he set his bag down. The 6'2"/240-lbs beefy, local muscleman never stops starin’ down a younger 6'1"/235-lbs blond bodybuilder from Texas. The younger Texan just happens to be my younger brother, Beau.

Blake

Route 69: Bad Boys S109

(Summer Storm, Part 4 of 4)

"Holy shit."

The big bodybuilder hears me. He looks down at himself and rubs his muscular nearly-naked body, as if checking out what I'm checking out. He looks at me with a questioning look as he asks in his thick Texas accent, "Was that for me, Dylan?"

Beau, our latest victim

I smile back, "It was, Beau. What a body. You're fucking amazing. You've got the best body I've ever seen. I feel like it's my lucky day."

AMU 100: The Cave Battle Royale

"I should be over there. Fuck, just look at them. The baddest of the bad. That's me."

I look to my right at Bird Boy, "Even if you were still a villain, which you're not, you still wouldn't be over there with them. Those guys are the best villains we have. You were never like them."

My new sidekick looks at me with anger and his muscles tense. He still has delusions of grandeur where his former identity of Spartan is concerned. The 20-year old is 5'11"/205-lbs and an impossibly ripped musclestud. He acts like he was a mighty heel in the wrestling ring, but in reality, he was a heel-jobber who only ever won one match outside the locker room. Otherwise it was nothing but defeat and humiliation.

My sidekick, Bird Boy

Route 69: Bad Boys S103

*Story is a commission for a reader, who also provided the Clark base model. Thanks, Johnny!*

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!"

I tell Phil, "Dude, that's a soccer call, eh. It's stupid enough that we're the players AND the announcers. Now we have to use shit from another sport?"

As we cheer our teammates from the bench, Phil responds, "Right, but when in Rome, Clark. When in Rome, eh?" I give him a WTF look, so he explains, "I mean, c'mon, we're in west Texas. You think anyone here has seen hockey before? Maybe, maybe not, but they all know football and soccer. Should I have said, ‘touchdown’?"

I laugh and give him a punch before I take my seat, re-focusing on the game. I'm feeling good about our two-goal lead with only five minutes to play. Not that I can do much about it one way or the other, since I'm being kept out of the game for fighting.

Now, Phil isn't wrong. We're lucky just to find ice in this town, much less fans. Although I wouldn't call the small crowd here 'fans' exactly. They're mainly curious townies who've come because it's free event and the rink is a cool place on a sweltering Texas afternoon. Most of them are bundled up in winter jackets, drinking coffee and shit.

I will admit that a lot of them have been getting into it, but there are guys here who've just been jawing at us the whole game. For a bunch of guys who don't know shit about hockey, they've got a lot of shit to say. The rink is small, so it's not like you can ignore them. I've turned around a few times, but that just gets them going again. The coach has told me to ignore them, so I'm pretending I am. But I'm hearing every fucking word.

I'm a minor league hockey player. Guys just call me Clark or Carter, but my full name's Wendel Clark Carter. Born in 1992, my dad's a huge Toronto Maple Leafs fan, so he named me after their captain. Growing up in a small town in southern Ontario, I dreamed about making it big, but now I'm just happy to be playing and getting paid anything. See, I kinda came along at the wrong time for my skill set.

Wendel Clark Carter

I'm a solid 5'11"/180-lbs, but I'm a slower skater than guys a lot bigger than me. All my speed is in my upper body. I have a wicked slap shot, but I've never been able to control it. I've spent years doing drills, but I just can't do it consistently. I'd figure it out, but then my emotions would kick in during a game and WHAM, I'm taking out the back glass.

Route 69 S309: Zanesville OH (Jeff)

When I come into my hotel room, I overhear a conversation in my buddy Ben's room next door. The connectin’ door is open, so it's not like I'm snoopin’. But it sounds kinda interestin’.

"Shit, Ben, I gotta wrestle. I can make it quick. Not like you put up much of a fight anyway."

My buddy Ben goes, "Funny. I've won a few falls when we've met. Not enough, but a few. Trust me, Beau, I'd love to, but I have to hit the road. If I don't, I could lose this potential client. Once Jeff gets back, we're heading right out."

I think, "Beau?" Ben's told me ‘bout this guy. Hm.

Beau tells Ben, kinda jokin’, "How about I make you wrestle me?"

I don't even give Ben time to answer. I jump in, "How ‘bout you wrestle me, instead, dude?"

The Cave Undercard 5: Nuke Man vs. Mr. Riddle

To the camera, Nuke Man asks in his thick Texas drawl, "What, did The Cave here run outta heroes willing to face me, so y'all gotta send a pussy, poser, villain-wannabe like him? Against this?" For emphasis, he flexes, showing off his huge massive physique.

The Cave: The Adventures of SuperStar 3

The Cave: The Adventures of SuperStar 3

"Hey Cody?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's Ben?"

"I give up. Who's Ben?"

My boyfriend Jae says, "No, it's not a joke. It's a guy you know. I'm wondering if he's a good guy."

Route 69 S105: El Paso TX

Fuck, Texas is a big ass state. I'm not a moron. I knew this, but somehow it didn't really hit me until now. I've been on the road for seven hours in blistering heat and I'm still not across this fucking state.

When my buddy Jeff and I decided to head to Dallas for a month, because of his job as a pro wrestler, I figured I'd drop by on a few friends. "You're in Texas, I'll be in Texas! I want to see the place." Big mistake. They've set up an alternative energy farm out here, east of El Paso. They're idealistic science geeks, but they've got backing and their work looks promising. I know what you're thinking. Actually, that's a lie, I have no idea what you're thinking. I know what I'm thinking. Rural west Texas and alternative energy. What? They don't seem to go together, but whatever.

Either way, I didn't realize that I'd be in for this kind of drive or that it would be unseasonably warm, even for Texas. They have a pool, horses, bikes and all sorts of amenities, so at least I can look forward to a relaxing vacation. I brought my iPad loaded with books to spend the days just lounging while they work on their experiments.

I left the main highway long ago, moving onto smaller and smaller roads. For the last fifteen minutes, I've been running along a dirt road in my vintage 1958 Corvette convertible, which was not designed for off-road. My phone lost GPS signal five minutes ago and I think I'm hopelessly lost. Just as I decide to turn around and backtrack, I hit something in the road. I pull over and see that I have a flat. Motherfucker.