The Cave: The Road to El Paso 3 (Jeff vs ‘Lethal’ Lee Evans)

Previously in The Cave ...

• Claw 10: Jeff vs. 'Lethal' Lee Evans

MAIN EVENTIN’

CLAW 10: Jeff vs. 'Lethal' Lee Evans

Dusty Inn. A Bar and Motel West of Tucson AZ.

“Man, that was rough, Ben.”

Me. Jeff.

AMU 100: The Cave Battle Royale

"I should be over there. Fuck, just look at them. The baddest of the bad. That's me."

I look to my right at Bird Boy, "Even if you were still a villain, which you're not, you still wouldn't be over there with them. Those guys are the best villains we have. You were never like them."

My new sidekick looks at me with anger and his muscles tense. He still has delusions of grandeur where his former identity of Spartan is concerned. The 20-year old is 5'11"/205-lbs and an impossibly ripped musclestud. He acts like he was a mighty heel in the wrestling ring, but in reality, he was a heel-jobber who only ever won one match outside the locker room. Otherwise it was nothing but defeat and humiliation.

My sidekick, Bird Boy

The Cave Undercard 12: Jeff vs. Josh

"This will be fucking cool. I've never fucked a big-time pro wrestler before."

"And you ain't gonna get to fuck one now, either, dude. I kinda feel bad for you. That flight back to Cali is gonna feel real long with a sore ass."

Dude just smiles at me, like I'm kiddin' myself. He takes off his shirt and climbs into the ring.

Josh

I shadow box and bounce around, warmin' up. I watch him get ready and gotta admit, he's pretty hot lookin'. Exactly what I need right now. I'm like mostly straight, but wrestlin' and fuckin' just go together for me. When I beat a hot guy, my cock wants to fuck him and you gotta obey your cock, right?

Route 69 S309: Zanesville OH (Jeff)

When I come into my hotel room, I overhear a conversation in my buddy Ben's room next door. The connectin’ door is open, so it's not like I'm snoopin’. But it sounds kinda interestin’.

"Shit, Ben, I gotta wrestle. I can make it quick. Not like you put up much of a fight anyway."

My buddy Ben goes, "Funny. I've won a few falls when we've met. Not enough, but a few. Trust me, Beau, I'd love to, but I have to hit the road. If I don't, I could lose this potential client. Once Jeff gets back, we're heading right out."

I think, "Beau?" Ben's told me ‘bout this guy. Hm.

Beau tells Ben, kinda jokin’, "How about I make you wrestle me?"

I don't even give Ben time to answer. I jump in, "How ‘bout you wrestle me, instead, dude?"

Route 69 S307: Youngstown OH

Route 69: Youngstown OH

"Move it, George.” Dude towers over me, straddlin’over my head. “Hey, you deaf? MOVE!"

 I’m like, "UNH! My name’s Jeff. UNH! You fuckin’ know that, Gunn. UNH! I got five more. UNH!"

"I SAID, MOVE IT."

Dude puts his hands on the barbell and pushes it down on me. Guess I'm not gettin’ my set done. He's a big dude, 6’6”/270-lbs. I’m not small, 6’2”/220-lbs, but I can't power the barbell up. I gotta shift the barbell so it's over my chest, not my throat. The big man lets up so I rack the weight. I get to my feet fast. I'm pissed and ready to knock this asshole out.

"What the fuck, dude?" He pushes me away and tries to lie down to do his own reps. Fuck that. I grab his shirt and pull him up. He shoves me back and we get into a staredown.

Route 69 S306: Xenia OH

Route 69: Xenia OH

"Jeff, here's your card. Ben, here's yours. Welcome to the Xenia X-Gym, guys."

Jeff and I snatch our cards. We thank the clerk, even though it took forever for a pretty simple deal. It's now almost closing time, so I ask, "So, can we still get a workout in tonight or are you closing up?"

The clerk must sense my frustration, because he says, "Yeah, sorry again that it took me so long, but I've never done a temporary membership before. Well, I never sold any membership before and no one else is here."

Route 69 S304: Virginia Beach VA

Route 69: Virginia Beach VA

"Ooh, look, Mr. Big Shot is back slumming with the rest of us losers in CLAW, eh?"

"Fuck off, Steele."

Steele goes, "Don't cry, Jeffer. I heard you've been doing enough of that since you blew it with Ring of Wrestling."

The Cave: The Adventures of SuperStar 4

The Cave: The Adventures of SuperStar 4

"Hey, Jae, you okay? I thought you'd be more excited."

Route 69 S303: Utica NY

Route 69: Utica NY

"Aw, Hart, are you kiddin’ me?"

"What's wrong, Jeff?"

"Dude, when you said you wanted to grab a drink, I didn't know you were hostin’ a show at this place. I thought we were just drinkin’. I even got a motel room next door so I can get good and ripped."

Route 69 S208: Quincy MA

TAP, TAP. "Ben!" TAP, TAP. "Ben!"

I hear my best friend Jeff at my motel room door. I roll out of bed, trying not to wake my boyfriend Dylan. I pull on a pair of athletic pants and open the door slightly, getting hit by the cool November air.

Jeff asks me, "Ben, can I borrow the car? I got some business to take care of."

I whisper, "Huh? What kind of business could you possibly have at midnight in Quincy Massachusetts?"

Jeff smiles, "Asskicking business."

Route 69 S207: Philadelphia PA

I'm like, "What does this mean, bro?"

Ben looks at the iPad, "What? That? Oh, two stars? That means watch out. Those scores are from past opponents and they're not good. I'm five stars. Cody’s five stars. Most guys I wrestle are four at least. There's obviously something wrong with that guy. Let's see. Well, he shows up and he looks like his pic. Well, that's good, but that must mean that guys don't have a good time wrestling him."

"Does it say why somewhere?"

"Jeff."

"What?"

"You're looking for trouble, aren't you?"

Route 69 S206: Odessa TX

"Hey, Brooks!"

"Howdy, Ben! Thanks for coming early."

Brooks invites me into his room then proceeds to strip down. He's laid out a dozen shiny pairs of briefs and wants to get my opinion on what he should wear. Of course, he'll wear them all over the course of the weekend, but he's wondering about what to wear when we wrestle. I point to the pair I like and he slips them on.

I ask, "So how was the drive?"

Brooks gets dramatic, shaking his head, "Man. Rain falling like a cow pissing on a flat rock. Wind that'd blow the warts off a toad. Hail the size of hell and half of Texas. Tornadoes coming at me from every side. I even went off the road once right into a mess a black bears. Had to fight 'em off with my bare hands. But I did it. And all just to wrestle you, buddy."

Route 69 S205: Nashville TN

"Dude, what the hell? You missed that same spot again."

Kyle goes, "Me? I'm pretty sure you missed that spot."

Route 69 S204: Monterrey CA

"Wow."

"Dude, no kidding. Awesome."

My best friend Jeff and I are standing in awe. We’re on a small, secluded piece of soft sand in Northern Calfornia. It’s too small to be considered a beach. Massive rock walls and the Pacific Ocean surround us, the small trail we followed down here obscured. I'm loving the sound of the waves of the blue water crashing into the rocky outcroppings as we take in this private paradise. To a couple of New Yorkers like us, it's like a different world.

It's not my first time on the west coast, but it's always a great change being here. Jeff and I are definitely making the most of our California vacation. After visiting friends of mine in LA, we've come up the coast highway, stopping in Monterrey to see two more friends. The scenery just gets better the further north we come, especially from my vintage red 1958 Corvette convertible in the warm September air.

We're going to spend our last few vacation days in San Fran before we have to head back east for Jeff's next show. He's a pro wrestler for the Ring of Wrestling, a big indie fed that's just one step below the big boys. It's a big deal for him, so we can't blow it off.

Route 69 S203: Los Angeles CA

"Hi, I'm Ben, this is Jeff. Is Cody around?"

"Hey, I'm Jae. Cody's running late, but c'mon in."

I look around the first floor gym, commenting on the nice setup. Cody's a personal trainer at a local gym, but he's opened this work-live space to handle private clients. He lives upstairs and trains folks down here. The equipment is new and really modern. I'm so used to cheap, grungy gyms that I forgot places like this exist. I guess if you're going to succeed in LA, you need some flash.

Route 69 S202: Kansas City MO

THUD! OOF!

Dude goes, "Fucking watch where you're going, rook."

I step back then go, "Sorry, dude. Didn't see you."

"Didn't see me? DIDNT SEE ME? I'm 6'2"/230-lbs. How the fuck don't you see me?"

I'm headin' to workout. I was puttin' my earbuds in when I bumped into this dude walkin' outta the shower area. We hit shoulders. Total accident, nobody's fault, but dude's pissed. He's goin' off on me, callin' me a stupid blond bimbo, blind, retarded, a moron and all kinds of crap. Just for bumpin' into him. If he was bigger, I'd figure it was roid rage, but he's my exact size, except he's got five extra pounds of fat on him, so he's not as shredded as me.

Route 69 S109: Indianapolis IN

Route 69: Indianapolis IN

"Jeff Case? JEFF!"

Who's callin’ me? Aw fuck, no. I see two guys. A young long-haired dude, but I don't know him. He's not the problem. No, the problem is the other guy. Lou. I wish I fuckin’ didn't know him, but I do. What the fuck is Lou even doin’ here? Is he actually comin’ over? For serious? I can't believe it. Last time I saw him, he was droolin’ on a concrete floor. I’d just knocked him out cold with one punch.

Route 69 S107: Gettysburg PA

"This is cool, Jeff. Right?" I have a hopeful tone in my voice as we finish packing up my car in front of the long-term hotel in Arlington VA that we’re calling home.

My best friend Jeff sighs, replying in a monotone, "Sure, Ben, it's cool."

Route 69 S106: Fort Worth TX

Ben goes, "Awesome, thanks for the perspective, Jeff. I feel a lot better."

Then I'm like, "Cool."

Ben signs off, "Love you, buddy. See you in a few days."

"Cool, bro. Later." And we're done. Ben's my best friend. I helped him solve a problem, but now I gotta problem that I need to deal with, too.

I get naked then grab a towel and go to the sofa. I start jerkin’ my dick, thinkin' about what Ben was sayin'. It doesn't take long before I pound out a load. The towel can't take it, so my cum gushes through the small cloth, right onto my hand. I don't normally choke my meat after talkin' to Ben, but fuck, he got me horny talkin' about what's he's up to right now.