Friday, September 18, 2015

Battle of the Wrestling Stars: RHW vs. UCW Round 1

When I was a kid, there was a show called Battle of the Network Stars. It pitted the actors and actresses of ABC, CBS and NBC against each other in fun events. It was also a great excuse to put the hottest actors of the time in speedos. There was someone for everybody, with young drama actors, mature hunks and everything in between. It was the kind of fun that would probably never happen today.

Swimming + dunk tank gave two chances to strip down

Hairy or smooth

Twink or bear

Why not a Battle of the Wrestling Stars? With all the crossover wrestlers, guys must be pretty friendly from different groups. This idea is great, if I do say so myself. It was really crystallized in my head after my review of UCW where I compared them to Rock Hard Wrestling.

That review resulted in me exchanging e-mails with Joe from the now-defunct Ringside at Skull Island. Joe wrote …

“Your review put a big smile on my face … I can't remember the last time I read a review this entertaining. Keep up the good work! You're on a roll.”

Yay! But enough of me patting myself on the back by posting about someone else patting me on the back. The IMPORTANT part of his message was this …

“I like your fantasy of pitting UCW against RHW, like a couple of rival biker clubs. If only you could orchestrate such a clash!”

Well, I can’t orchestrate it. Now, Ethan Axel Andrews might be able to, but I can’t. However, I can imagine it. I can work it out in my head and post about my version.

It could be a five-match tournament, with each federation hosting an equal number of matches (you'll see how later). The participants would be drafted by the host federation. The series would start in the UCW space then move to the RHW space.

UCW Garage

UCW would draft Alex Waters and Chad Daniels to the garage. They'd see the prettyboys as fun for their guys to beat up. Of course the RHW guys would need to don skimpier briefs, befitting the sensibilities of their new home.

And I'm pretty sure fans would love to see these two studs in dirtier matches, suffering ball grabs, wedgies and more.

Match 1: Alex Waters vs. Aron

Aron’s about as close to a good guy as I know at UCW, so he’d pair well against the uber-heel Alex. Still, the UCW veteran knows how to get nasty, which I think would be the challenge for Alex.

Alex is tough and could dominate, but I don't think he'd handle the chaotic, anything-goes environment very well. I expect his hair would be the least of his worries when facing ball grabs and wedgies in the cinder block cube.

I give Aron the shocking upset win with a boston crab-ball grab combo.

Alex is a stud in the ring, but what about in a garage?
Aron suffers early on
But there are no mirrors in UCW 
Would Alex do to Aron what it takes to win in UCW?
Aron chokes
Aron grabs
Without rules, the tide turns
Add a ball grab and Alex submits

Match 2: Chad Daniels vs. Tyson the Hammer

These two are tall, trim and tough, so I think they’d be an interesting contrast. Tyson was a good trash talker against Max Ryder, so it’d be a fun, chatty back-and-forth affair.

Tyson has the advantage, knowing the UCW garage, but I’m picking Chad to come out on top in an upset. The lifeguard has shown a nasty, NHB streak, such as when he choked Austin Cooper. Therefore, he could adjust to the UCW rules and surprise the over-confident Hammer.

The ripped UCW stud was so cocky against Max Ryder he let him have a free shot. When he tries that with Chad, Tyson gets choked out for his trouble.

Tyson controls the mat early 
Getting on top of the blond stud
A special welcome to UCW-style action!
Tyson gives Chad a free shot
And learns that Chad's familiar with cheating
Surprising the UCW stud
The lifeguard fights hard
Chad's assault is relentless
The Hammer goes down
As Chad gets the win

So, what did you think about round 1? There's more to come over the next two days, but please feel free to comment.

Tomorrow: Round 2 from the RHW Ring


  1. Alex R:

    Ha. This was a fun post! Now going for part 2!

  2. Ooo i was rooting for Alex and Tyson haha. Though i do think alex would fight dirty too if he was getting hit with those tricks. He did use his hair spray in a match maybe he would bring it to the garagehaha.

    1. Good point. I forgot Alex used hairspray. Maybe he could win after all. I was going for the surprise upsets, figuring the UCW Garage would be a little unpredictable.