The Cast: Who's Who (July 2016)

It's an odd month for the Who's Who. There were 20 different studs this month, but only one new one (Gary) and he didn't even wrestle! Most of my 100th posted story celebration Battle Royale images were repurposed, but hopefully you liked seeing them again.

AMU 100: The Cave Battle Royale

Cody/The Bat = Leighton Stultz (Model)

Review: Jake Jenkins vs. Lucas Payne (RHW 1.0)

By now I'm sure everyone knows that Jake Jenkins is back in action for Thunders Arena. Truly this is a joyous event. I have watched two matches and written two reviews, but they won't appear until 8/18 (vs. Steel) and 8/20 (vs. Frey). I've actually completed all my August posts and it's a jam-packed month with 4 stories, an epilogue, 9 reviews and a Who's Who.

Today, I'm not focused on the present, I'm looking back to Jake Jenkins vs. Lucas Payne. This is my fourth monthly post on the glory days of Rock Hard Wrestling. Jake is clearly the reason I bought this video, but I have to say that his opponent did catch my attention, too. However, muscle boys were RHW's stock in trade, so it's not like that was enough to inspire me to buy. No, it was definitely Jake.

Jake's the best, but Lucas has a certain appeal, too

Review: Kenny Star vs. Nero Angelo (UCW)

This is the perfect match to review after the last few superhero porn reviews. It's a great example of how freaking sexy wrestling can be and why I don't need standard porn as long as I've got wrestling to watch.

Kenny Star vs. Nero Angelo is sexy, fun and action-packed. Both guys look great. They sound great. And they embrace the whole private match ideal wholeheartedly. The wrestling is solid. The story is engaging and clear. There's not much more you can ask from a match. UCW has been on fire lately with both hot new talent and top notch action. This keeps their streak going.

Nero wants Kenny, Kenny wants Nero ... to suffer

Review: Tarzan XXX (MEN.com)

NSFW! THIS IS A REVIEW OF PORN, SO IT'S EVEN MORE "NOT SAFE FOR WORK" THAN MY USUAL STUFF!

And here we are with the final superhero porn parody series. I've saved the best for last. Well, maybe not the best, but the series I like the most.

As a geek, it's the X-Men who are my favorites, but Tarzan is my favorite character from an erotic fantasy perspective. I've never really been interested in any of the X-Men from a sex or erotic angle, but that's all I've ever felt about Tarzan. In fact, as a kid, Sunday morning TV airings of the old Gordon Scott and Mike Henry movies were my first "porn", along with pro wrestling. It's really the earliest clue for me that I was gay.

Tarzan is the easiest to adapt for porn purposes, so naturally this works the best from a story standpoint. It's such a simple concept - hot naked jungle guy encounters hot city guys. No powers. No plots. Just hot guys in a sweltering jungle, so it's easy to jump to sex. It would be easy to be lazy, but I give MEN.com credit. They actually do a great job with the details here.

Okay, I'm convinced this guy is Tarzan

Review: Captain America XXX (MEN.com)

WARNING! NSFW! THIS IS A REVIEW OF PORN, SO IT'S EVEN MORE "NOT SAFE FOR WORK" THAN MY USUAL STUFF!

The biggest superhero movie of the year at the box office was Captain America: Civil War. And I liked it. With that said, I am not a big Captain America fan. Yeah, he's a big blond stud in the comics, but I think he's boring. I also find nothing arousing about him being captured by Nazis, real world evil dudes or their direct analogs. In fact, it's just the opposite.

Even with Chris Evans playing him, I just have no fantasies about the guy. I say all this because it might influence my interest in this particular series. So far, this has been my least favorite, but it's not bad. I will give them credit for casting, locations and costumes. Three of the four parts offer a solid superhero setup then keep the guys character.

Captain America gets the XXX treatment

Review: Batman vs. Superman XXX (MEN.com)

IN CASE ALL THE X'S WEREN'T ENOUGH OF A CLUE, THIS IS A REVIEW OF PORN, SO IT'S EVEN MORE "NOT SAFE FOR WORK" THAN MY USUAL STUFF!

Yesterday, I talked about the X-Men porn parody from MEN.com. Today, I'll cover the first one they did, Batman v Superman XXX: A Gay Porn Parody.

Bruce and Clark

Even though I said this yesterday, I'm going to repeat myself, because it's somewhat relevant for these videos, plus it makes good reinforcement.

Review: X-Men XXX (MEN.com)

THIS IS A REVIEW OF PORN, SO IT'S EVEN MORE NOT SAFE FOR WORK THAN MY USUAL STUFF! 

So back in January, I did a review of some superhero bondage porn (here). That was pretty popular, so  I thought this might be of interest, too. MEN.com has been featuring superhero porn videos. This year has had a lot of superhero movies, so they're tapping into that with multiple series of "porn parodies". I use quotes because these are only parodies for legality. There's nothing funny about these videos. They're very impressive in terms of quality.

It's the pairing a lot of X-fans want to see

Before I start, there are a couple of things you should know ...

1. These are porn. The only objective is to see guys fuck. So I have to keep that in mind when evaluating the videos. And when reading these reviews, there will be nudity and sex, although some of my image selection might seem odd. That's partly because of my next point.

2. I'm not a porn guy. It's not because Republicans are declaring it a "public health crisis" or anything like that. I just don't watch non-wrestling, non-superhero stuff. It doesn't seem to interest me very much. From a porn perspective, these are probably pretty good. Most of them have good ratings at Men.com, but I'm really not the best judge on that stuff.

Men is actually the only porn site I've ever joined. I will say that the nice thing about them is that they're cheap and the videos are downloadable in various levels of quality. No streaming crap. No limited selection. For $100, I've already gotten these 14 superhero videos that are mine to own. That's a pretty sweet deal.

Inspiration: Bow and Arrow

Have you ever called something a name for a really long time, but then later found out that you might have been wrong the whole time?

Below are two different holds. One is what you get if you google the "Bow and Arrow". The second set is what I call the "Bow and Arrow", but apparently I'm wrong. Oops. From now on, I'll have to think about this when writing.

The "Real" Bow and Arrow

Ethan's helpless on Dash's shins
(Dash Decker vs. Ethan Andrews - RHW)

Route 69: Bad Boys S107

"Fuck Brooks, I wanna hear you squeal like a Texas pig. I bet I could just wreck you."

"I bet you could. Man, Caleb, I wanna wrestle you so -"

I interrupt with a stern, "Move along, Brooks."

Brooks blurts out, "John? What? I'm just -"

I grab Brooks by the back of the neck, "I know what you're doing. It's not gonna happen. Not today. Not ever. Caleb is here for me and just me. Go find action somewhere else." I pull him close then whisper, "Trust me, you don't want his kinda action."

Brooks going all jobber for Caleb

Caleb shrugs, "Looks like the boss man wants me all to himself. But I'm in Fort Worth all week. After I put him down, you and me. Private match at your place -"

Quick Hit: Mikey vs. Damien The Rematch (Movimus)

I don't know if it's the right approach to do these types of rematches back-to-back. I did it with Mikey/Max and Jake/Austin. As an aside, I haven't bought the new Jake/Austin Thunders match. I'm excited to see Jake back, even with what looks to be an unfortunate new tattoo on his pec, but I own two other versions of this matchup, so there's not a ton of urgency to buy a third.

Anyway, I feel like sometimes it's good to do them together to get the whole picture, but it also doesn't leave as much to say for the second time around. I mean, it's still Movimus. The guys look and sound the same. The contrasts are still there. The action is even pretty similar.

Mikey channels the Karate Kid

Damien's beautiful bridge

That's why Mikey vs. Damien: The Rematch is an image-centric Quick Hit.

Review: Mikey Hanlon vs. Damien Rush (Movimus)

Before I begin, let me say, don't take this upfront the wrong way. I'm not foreshadowing any changes here. I'm just doing my usual opening with a personal anecdote.

I get why Joe at Ringside said he felt like he was getting repetitive before he took his fortunately short-lived break from blogging. I get it now. There isn't always a lot new to say. I mean, I'm doing two more Mikey Hanlon matches from Movimus. You likely already know what I think about him. I've made my feelings clear. So fair warning, you've read this before.

I'm still loving Mikey

Review: Roid Rage: Krush vs. Stan Torum (Krushco)

I love an underdog. Even when he’s a villain. One of the reasons I think characters like Superman, Batman and Tarzan getting crushed works so well is their legacy of superiority and dominance. They are established as the strongest, smartest and best fighters. We’ve seen it. They have decades worth of victories over all manner of foe and that makes their defeat hotter.

In wrestling, it’s the same deal. When a usually unstoppable guy like Goldberg or John Cena goes down in a humiliating way, it’s extra special. I like seeing many jobbers go down to a bigger heel, but when an established champion stud gets dominated, it’s awesome.

Krush is one of those guys. A wrestler with his own site (Krushco), he has a reputation for being tough and winning a lot. His opponent here, Stan Torum, has no such reputation. I have one other match with him and he's wrestled in others. He's young and built, but he's not the wrestler Krush is. Stan seems like an underdog. Well, before this video he seemed like one.

It's Krush vs. Stan Torum

Review: Tanner Hill vs. Wes Richards (RHW 2.0)

It's been a while since I really looked at anything new from Rock Hard Wrestling. Alex Waters tempted back a couple of months ago, but I've been lukewarm towards their recent products at best. However, after a month of almost nothing but BGEast and Thunders Arena, I decided to shake things up. I've got reviews of a Krushco match and a couple of older Movimus matches coming before the next story.

Today, it's Tanner Hill vs. Wes Richards. So how'd it go?

It's a crossfit vs. pumping iron showdown

Inspiration: USA Gear

Happy 4th of July. For Americans, this day is a big deal. For non-Americans, I hope you have a good regular day.

I love USA gear. Doesn't matter if it's literally the flag or just symbolic of the flag. I've written several stories featuring guys wearing it (e.g., Encounters: Flag vs. Flag, The Cave Undercard 7.4, The Cave 15). There's just something about it that feels sexy, especially on muscleman who exude the power the flag implies. It doesn't automatically mean 'jobber' to me. In fact, the guy wearing the flag only loses in a third of the nine matches below (not counting Logan Vaughn because he was wrestling another guy wearing USA trunks).

So enjoy some screen grabs from various matches I have ...

Braden Charron vs. Pedro Leon (BGEast)

AMU 100: The Cave Battle Royale

"I should be over there. Fuck, just look at them. The baddest of the bad. That's me."

I look to my right at Bird Boy, "Even if you were still a villain, which you're not, you still wouldn't be over there with them. Those guys are the best villains we have. You were never like them."

My new sidekick looks at me with anger and his muscles tense. He still has delusions of grandeur where his former identity of Spartan is concerned. The 20-year old is 5'11"/205-lbs and an impossibly ripped musclestud. He acts like he was a mighty heel in the wrestling ring, but in reality, he was a heel-jobber who only ever won one match outside the locker room. Otherwise it was nothing but defeat and humiliation.

My sidekick, Bird Boy